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Stepping Outside

by Monica on December 10, 2009 · 0 comments

Hot plumes of steam dance across my face, my tastebuds bursting with lemon, pharmaceutical, and comfort. I’m an advocate for the all-natural but sometimes, godammit, I just want to escape into the instantaneous bliss that symptom-masking chemicals provide. I’ve been sick for 24 hours now, some kind of cold. Physically I’ve slowed down a bit, mentally, not so much.

I’ve been thinking all day about my future and what I’d like to see happen in 2010. Since the loss of my Mom in late September, so much has changed. So much. I’ve lived my entire lifetime with her by my side, her ear always there to listen, her hand outreached to help, just her physical presence there to comfort. She isn’t there anymore … and so I am learning a new way of living. We are doing okay, well, in fact. But there has been an underlying theme playing out in my dreams lately. It’s as though a seed has been planted and further change is imminent. I can strongly feel this at my core.

I’ve been a single mom for two very full years now, and while my son’s father is still very much involved in our daily lives, as both a best friend to me and a fantastic Dad to our son, there is still this intriguing feeling that perhaps I might be in the very beginning stages of wanting to explore the potential of a new mate. I haven’t dated at all. In fact I made the distinct choice two years ago to focus solely on my son and myself as a Mother and I do not regret the decision for a second. Not having another person in the picture (or even on the outskirts of the picture) has made things much easier for us all. We spend time together as a ‘family’, have even gone on vacation together, all the while having no desire for reconciliation. The thought of messing with the status quo … I just don’t know. And the very thought of how I might even navigate such uncharted territory is overwhelming. But I’m willing to explore this.

I named this blog, ‘Stepping Outside’, as this next year will surely be one of stepping outside of my comfort zone.

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