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The Act of Simplifying

by Alison on April 5, 2010 · 1 comment

I guess by now I’ve realized that the theme of 2010 appears to centre around the act of simplifying…or  the desire to anyways. The struggle is that I’m just not quite sure how to go about it without feeling guilty.
A month or so ago, I had a glorious revelation about the purpose of my life and living out who I truly am. I found such amazing peace in my decision to simplify and got started on making changes.

 It all sounded so easy, and together my partner and I discussed how we wanted to enrich our lives for the better… and yet, here we are a month later, busier then ever… with this simplifying thing. We put our home on the market in hopes to downsize or possibly build a small but efficient eco friendly home, we started to make a point of trying to cut our grocery bills down and buy locally and in season. We turned off the computer and I began to shut off my blackberry in the evenings. We were turning off the television and making family time a priority. In all our efforts to be present in the moment, somehow here we are, juggling viewings, making lists, organizing, working and I don’t feel any more peace then I did before. I find myself often ’thinking, drifting, worrying’ during these family moments. Its been a struggle for us to ’shut off’. And while I have definitely had some great ’moments’ I still feel like I need a vacation, a moment to breathe… time for our family to regroup and connect. What in the hell am I doing wrong?! How do you ’shut your damn brain off’… anyone?

 We were able to briefly escape to Tofino(see photos) for a few days and it was heaven on earth, although we had just listed our house so there was a constant stream of phone calls, emails and other distractions we couldn’t seem to escape despite our best efforts. We did spend some quiet moments overlooking the ocean all of us feeling lulled and refreshed by the glorious beauty that is the rugged West Coast, and I even slipped in a spa treatment at Ancient Cedars Spa. And yet, leaving we both admitted we still felt a little burnt out. Is this just normal parent stuff?!

 

The other day I read some ridiculous article on the 2012 debacle and thought to myself — what if its true — what if the whole world was to go upside down and a catastrophe was to happen. We all know one will happen again… its inevitable. What the hell am I working and attaining towards? Why the hell am I not out discovering and glorifying in all life has to offer. Why are we sitting here day in and day out being a slave to life. And why the hell am I so concerned about my life purpose? What in the hell is going on with me????? Am I just looking for an easy way out?! I don’t want luxury and money and material things, I want experiences, I want to enmesh myself right into the centre of moments, time. I just want to wander with nowhere in mind… and see where it takes our family. The other day I wrote down a list of “Things I want to do in 2010” and saw that they were not grand things, they were quite simple actually. So I’m not quite sure why simplifying is turning out to be so much harder then I thought. Sometimes with all we have going on and all we do I sometimes feeling like screaming STOP at the top of my lungs… life seems to be hurtling forward on this fast train track and I cant seem to get myself and my family off of it…

 Am I going nuts here?! Why am I unable to shake this nagging feeling… and what IS this nagging feeling?

 Sometimes I think way to much…

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Kara A May 6, 2010 at 9:46 am

I think we a re told we should be “more”. Doing more, acheiveing more, consume more, exercise more, baking more, cooking more, sleeping more, recycling more, conserving more, relaxing more, working more…. you get the idea. Them we try to do MORE and we realize we cannot, and we go crazy, second guess everything, and try to do LESS… there is never a balance. Then we feel out of alignment. Like we’ve missed something that we just cannot put our fingers on. Thats my take, anyhow. SO my new focus word is about BALANCE. I will enjoy licorice in MODERATION, and will balance it out with a walk with my girls to the park. I will buy less paper products and use rags more, balancing out that splurge on a new selection of children’s books from Scholastic that aren’t from the usual VVillage hunt. I am still watching TV but now I tape the shows that are important to me, and skip surfing. I still find myself throwing away unused produce from my fridge, so now I have planted a garden, to pick fresh for salads and herbs. I try to have more sex (Dr Oz insists!), more Me-Time, and more Family time…. and that usually means a little less sleep on a few days a week. To balance that out I have a few other nights a week I go to bed at the same time as the kids. It is a balance. I’m still working on it. I guess I always will!

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