Shot to the Heart and You’re to Blame, You Give Moms a Bad Name…

by Ma Thoughts on June 24, 2010 · 2 comments

“Please smack me upside the head if I become the kind of mom I hate,” I emailed my sister in law shortly before I gave birth.

When I was pregnant, I wasn’t really afraid of that much. I was afraid that the bebe would die inside me, or that he would be unhealthy and die once he was outside me. I was afraid that I would not be able to breastfeed. And I was afraid of becoming that kind of mom.

Scenario One of Many

That mom:                            How is your pregnancy going?

1st time pregnant woman:          Good, but I’m pretty tired

That mom:                           It will only get worse

That mom:                           You’d better get used to that

That mom:                           You just wait

Scenario Two of Many

That mom:                            How are you enjoying your baby?

1st time mom (or dad) with newborn: She’s lovely, I feel pretty lucky

That mom:                            For now

That mom:                            Yeah, my baby was good at first

That mom:                            Good. I thought you were looking a little tired

Before I go on, let me clarify; we all have bad days. Sometimes things that aren’t very nice just seem to fall out of our mouths. This is not what I am talking about. Nor am I belittling depression. I am talking about people, and in this particular case, moms, who do not ask questions; they aim them with bullets hewn of some sort of entitlement to sabotage another new mom’s experience with their negativity. Debbie downer had a baby.

It is not the questions themselves. There are people, both men and women, moms and non-moms, who ask the above in a spirit of curiosity or general easy-access small talk. Not my point. Not what I am having a mini-seethe about.

Yes, I’m tired. This is expected. My bebe is only two months old. But every time I wake up, it is to feed my infant, Boeuf. His little face and little lovely self needs food. He is a new human, that is what he requires. Yo, Debbie Downer Martyr Misery Moms, do you complain every time you water your house plants that you bought? Stop pissing on other people’s shoes. You give moms a bad name.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

c June 25, 2010 at 2:01 pm

I don’t think people say things like that to be negative. Possibly to be realistic. There are a lot of things I wish people would have told me before I had my first baby. I think it is also important to talk about the not so wonderful parts of parenting as well so that people are aware that nothing is perfect and they are normal. If someone thinks parenting is going to be all peaches and cream before giving birth they are much more likely to be depressed post-partum when they see what reality is.

Whatevs June 28, 2010 at 4:34 pm

I know exactly what your blog is saying. It’s those people who chose to put a negative on your positive, why must they do this.

I remember being in the hospital a few days after my first was born. The nurse asked how I was doing. I said great actually I feel like we (baby and me) had a wonderful little routine going. She spoke up with a ‘yeah I don’t think babies get in a routine so early’. Oh okay thanks for your input Negative Nancy!

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