All settled at home 5 days grown.
Liam and Mila are officially back to their birth weight today and have made us so proud as we learn in baby steps how to navigate this new reality together. Despite being more comfortable in our beds, their dad, Mitch, and I barely slept a wink the first night home from the hospital, feeling so overprotective away from the reassuring call bell and medical support.
As new twin parents on that first night, we felt so scrambled trying to understand all that goes into these night feeds and stay on top of every moving part—figuratively and literally! Last night however, was a success story, with a broken-up six hours of sleep for us, great feeding intervals (one three-hour stretch) and I’m feeling like a new woman.
We’ve begun to streamline the process in our bedroom and have transformed it into our Zen sanctuary of comfort, white noise, meditation sounds playing continuously, a mini fridge stocked with water, snacks and room for milk storage. It takes a total team effort to get this job done and I’m so grateful for Mitch being so hands-on and how far we’ve come together already.
Through the blur of it all, I am practicing patience and compassion for myself, for my older son Hudson adjusting to the change, and I’m learning to let go of everything out of my control.
No matter how hard the journey gets, I feel complete, knowing that these twins chose me to be their mommy. Every passing hour we are growing and learning together. Every feed is a little more successful than the last because we are embracing flexibility. The teamwork I’ve established with their daddy has given me the needed confidence to press on along the unpredictable road ahead. It’s been scary and so very real with emotions running all over the place.
My life is forever changed and I’m navigating a very liberating acceptance with that. I’ll be endlessly grateful for these tiny blessings and for my body for enduring all that it has in creating, delivering and nourishing them.
One month in.
As is the case with newborn parenthood, there often comes a time when the chaos starts catching up with you. No matter how hard you prepare for it and lower your expectations, there it is. Unannounced and loud in your face like a freight train coming at you when you have nothing left.
We’re only one month in with the twins but I met eyes with this place last night. Dad was there to save me. Without a moment to eat my dinner, surround-sound crying started up with Mila and Liam who are needing to cluster feed and be held in the evenings, all while we try to get our sensitive and sweet older boy to bed at a decent hour without him holding a grudge.
Then, one twin won’t settle until the early hours and the whole schedule we’ve strived for all day is thrown off. My brain, already compounded with excessive sleep debt, finally gave up trying to fall into a slumber. I was up until 3am anticipating the next feed, and I felt very scared.
I can’t function when it gets this bad. The morning rolled around and dad took over as best as he could, got Hudson to daycare and I finally settled the twins beside me, breasts painfully engorged, feeling guilty to sleep in with them until nearly 11am. But that’s what I needed to exist today.
And I needed Mitch. I love him and the father he is to our three. I feel so grateful for the team that we have become on this journey. We pull each other’s weight when the other is lower, and so far, it’s been working.
To any moms struggling with this kind of stuff, I see you. From no support to more support, we’re all fighting a different battle for our little blessings and it’s so important to remember that we’re in this together.
The highs and lows of two newborns with a four-and-a-half-year-old dynamic is insane. Some days we’re rocking it—or at least it feels like we’re not drowning. We’re loving the novel nuances of having this full, multi-faceted family.
Other days feel like complete and total chaos in that we’re totally outnumbered as parents—by our six-week-old twins revving up equal parts cuteness and inconsolable evenings; and by our Hudson whose whole world flipped upside down, and whose parents are too exhausted to help him turn that world right side up again.