Can you recall a friend from childhood? Did this friendship help you grow? What was it about this friendship that was magical? It’s difficult to think of childhood without thinking about friendships. Friendships guide, support, teach and sustain us as we are growing up. These early bonds are often the first steps we take in learning empathy, trust and the complexity of human connection. And at their best, children’s friendships carry within them the transformative potential to overcome differences by simply being curious and approaching problems with respectful questions.
As we all know, it can take time to form a friendship and to sustain it. Friendships require reciprocity to grow. For example, friendships are healthiest when they are balanced, not one-sided and have equal effort from both sides. As a parent, it is important to consider how those hours are being spent and how to effectively help guide our children to nourish a healthy relationship. Parents, teachers and other adults can be important role models. There will always be outside pressures that parents will not be aware of, so it is critical to anticipate challenges and to do our best to provide support when these challenges arise.
As children grow, the outside world inevitably intrudes. Pressures can come from all different directions: from peers, the adults in their lives, social media, through competition, social norms and unconscious biases. As children learn through their environment, these pressures can challenge friendships and impact the health and longevity of these relationships. Cultural differences can present obstacles to friendship, and these can be tricky to address. When it comes to reconciliation with Indigenous peoples, these moments matter deeply.
Children unconsciously carry unspoken messages from media or history that shape how they relate to peers from Indigenous backgrounds. These might include not understanding or wanting to understand or accept cultural differences or practices, fear of “other.” But they also create opportunities for change, as friendships can help to build bridges across these divides. Parents and educators can use this visual of bridge building by teaching accurate histories and helping children reflect on fairness and respect. This also includes modelling curiosity and asking questions respectfully.
With this tool, parents and educators can support children to learn about each other’s cultural backgrounds, traditions, values, spirituality and perspectives. These processes help to challenge stereotypes and inherited beliefs and nurture a better future.
Reading stories about children’s friendships that bridge cultural differences, can be a powerful way help children learn that friendship isn’t always easy, but that kindness and understanding can carry them through rough moments. Through stories that reflect diverse voices and experiences, including those of Indigenous communities, children begin to recognize both shared humanity and the strength in difference.
An example of a friendship that builds bridges is in the novel Two Tricksters Find Friendship by Johnny Aitken and Jess Willows. This story focuses on the strong friendship that two fourth graders—an Indigenous boy Johnny and a non-Indigenous girl Jessie—form. They face outside pressures and prejudices about their friendship. But with guidance from Raven, a trickster and wise teacher in many Indigenous stories, and Two-Spirit spiritual teacher Steven, the two friends learn to celebrate and lean on each other. The land is an important character in this story as well; it connects the characters and enables their friendship to grow through their shared curiosity. As they explore and learn about the land beneath their feet, they are learning about each other. Common ground develops between the characters that sustains and supports them from their very first moment together.
The authors based the characters in the book on their own close friendship and imagined how their friendship may have begun if they had met as children. Acceptance, celebrating relationships with extended family and finding strength through friendship are key themes highlighted throughout the book. Additionally, the story models how to ask questions respectfully and kindly about a culture that is not your own through Jessie, who is curious about Johnny’s culture.
Recalling your childhood friendships and the activities that you engaged in can help to support your children navigate these relationships. Remembering that as adults, we often recall the best and the worst of our friendship experiences, can help to put in perspective the importance of our own learning and growth. By supporting and encouraging these early friendships, we can help guide the next generation of bridge-builders moving forward.
