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Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

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Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby Esquimalt_Mom on Sat Dec 17, 2011 9:30 am

I know that my boys look at porn on their computers, and I have known for quite some time.

With access to the internet and how readily and easily porn is made available to kids and to people of any age for that matter, is it more acceptable to simply accept it and to adjust to "Modern Times" rather than to be more old fashioned about it and view it as "bad".

Of cousre the legal age to access porn is 18, but we all know that regardless of site blocking technology the porn producers have found a way around this and have made porn readily accessable and available to our kids at the click of a button.

Perhaps it is more realistic to view the fact that my kids are looking at porn as "sex education" Rather than something bad and horrible for them?

I have always kept tabs on the type of porn they are looking at by looking at the videos and pictures they save on their computers. I do this to make sure they are not looking at anything illegal.

I was actually listening to a conversation on the radio last week and it said in a recent study they have found that 1-5 kids between the ages of 11-14 have admited to accessing "hard core" porn on their smart phones or cell phones. The conversation was about something called "Sexting" where kids instead of sending text messages are sending porn to eachother.

Has anyone else here been in the same situation with their boys and if so how did or how do you approach it?
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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby Benjorsam on Sat Dec 17, 2011 11:28 am

I have not had to address this issue yet, but I can tell you that it should never be considered "normal" or acceptable for young children (and I consider 11-15 y/o kids young) to look at hard core porn. Nor should we just accept it as a sign of the times. One of the major issues with the internet is that its normalizing things that were previously considered taboo and that's not necessarily a good thing. I think porn, in all its forms, is harmful anyway but if its being accessed by adults and the websites are not doing anything illegal or dangerous, then that is one thing. But to say that we need to get over it and get with the times and make it acceptable for children to basically see whatever they want on the internet, is not only damaging its potentially dangerous. Kids do not have the maturity to understand what they are looking at and that many of the people who do porn have been abused and/or are hooked on drugs and alcohol. I have seen first hand the damage that access to porn at a young age can do and its not an easy thing to live with.




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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby kruk on Sat Dec 17, 2011 11:38 am

I absolutely do not look at it as sex education! Mature adults looking at porn for fantasy purposes can (I hope) differentiate between the fantasy of porn and reality. My concerns are the portrayals of men and especially women in porn. A lot of it has violent undertones. There is no focus on the relationship between 2 loving people, just hardcore, emotionless sex. Great if you're an adult, confusing if you're a child.

Not to mention the unrealistic response of women in porn.

Obviously my son is still young, but I think if I found out he was looking at porn regularly we'd need to talk about it. Porn is not how I want my children learning about sex and human relationships.
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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby Sunnygirl on Sat Dec 17, 2011 12:08 pm

No. It's not normal and it's not acceptable in most households.

Are you the same OP who was wondering about your ds buying a sex toy? If so - why on earth would you be surprised that he's buying sex toys if you're ok with him watching porn? He may already have a warped sense of sex and relationships and hopefully it doesn't harm his expectations of what a normal relationship should be like.
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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby Esquimalt_Mom on Sat Dec 17, 2011 2:15 pm

"All you need is the air that you breathe"
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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby Annikki on Sat Dec 17, 2011 4:07 pm

I believe it's considered sexual abuse if you allow them to look at porn or provide them with porn if they are underage.

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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby Island-JJ on Sat Dec 17, 2011 9:30 pm

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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby Esquimalt_Mom on Sun Dec 18, 2011 12:40 am

In no way do I "PROVIDE" pornography to my children, nor would I ever do that!

But in reality I can't monitor what they do 24/7 and I don't think any parent can monitor what their teenaged children are doing all the time. The internet has no boundries, and site blocking programs are nothing more than a money making scheme as many on here will know. They don't really do much in the way of preventing your kids from seeing what they want to see if they know how to look for it and get around it.

You have to have some trust, and also not over crowd them at the same time.

I mean there has got to be at least one person here who sees where I am comming from and see my point? So much instant persecution instead of thinking it through.

I mean seriously, you think I am the only person in this city who has similar situations with there kids? HECK NO. I am just one that happened to bring the issue up because it needs attention.

I asked a question and the responses are very obvious and to the point.

Honestly I think alot of parentd out there know this sort of thing goes on but turn a blind eye to it rather than deal with it because it is easier to do so.

I think I will just leave it be and not comment on those issues any further as it causes too much over-heated opinions.
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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby Samandemma on Sun Dec 18, 2011 12:13 pm

A good resource for parents regarding internet safety is Darren Laur. He is a police officer and he also has his own "Personal Safety" seminars and books regarding all aspects of safety for children and adolescents.
He often gives seminars at various schools (the PACs at schools generally arrange the class), including computer/internet safety that informs parents of the concerns re the internet and ways of protecting and guiding children and youth in their use of the internet.

You can google Darren Laur and he is also a KIV advertiser.
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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby wonderwoman on Sun Dec 18, 2011 5:11 pm

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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby kapoohhh on Sun Dec 18, 2011 6:00 pm

My big question is where is the computer in the house???
There should be no computer in a child's room until they can show responsibility of using one. Or put on a parent access code when you are out of the house.
If you know it is going on then Yes I would say you responsible for his actions.
Until kids leave home then it is up to the parents to guide a child and Say NO or YES to things. When they leave your house at legal age they can do as they want and hopefully have learned enough to make good choices for themselves.
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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby Brenda N on Wed Dec 21, 2011 12:33 am

Making the world a better place, one container at a time :-)


Click to “imagine...life on YOUR terms!”
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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby veganite on Sat Dec 24, 2011 10:01 am

VERY well said PP... I couldn't agree more.
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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby nae23 on Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:00 am

It is naive to think that porn is sex education. While I have no hangups with an adult's choice to look at porn, the reality is many images are degrading, to women and not men. As a mom of two boys, I am raising a future boyfriend/husband and I would be appalled if one of my boys treated a woman like she was nothing more than an object to be played with. It is my job to educate and while I am also a parent who allows for exploration, teaching respect and value of other people is my job. And setting boundaries and expectations is also my job. Children do not have the same cognition as adults, which is why we need to monitor their internet activities, the people in which they spend their time with, etc., while still respecting them to move about the world and learn on their own.


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Re: Kids looking at Porn/ Stay Old Fashioned Or Get With The Tim

Postby Darren Laur on Mon Jan 09, 2012 4:34 am

Since 1993 when the porn industry first started to exploit the Internet for their financial gain, pornography on the Internet has grown exponentially and is now estimated to be a 97 billion dollar worldwide web industry in 2010. Today, any child with unrestricted Internet access via computer or cell phone is just two clicks away from viewing sexually explicit material on-line that can include; adult pornography, graphic sex acts, live sex shows, orgies, bestiality, pedophilia, and sexual violence. Popular culture with our youth, both on-line and off-line, has become hyper sexualized, or what some experts like Pamela Paul have called “pornified”, which unfortunately just feeds and plays into the hands of the pornography industry. Pop culture icons such as Lady Ga Ga or Christine Aguilera hyper sexualize both their songs and videos, so it is no surprise that youth today will mirror these icons, experiment with their sexuality, and express themselves anonymously in ways that they would not otherwise do in their off line social circles. This seismic shift in sexual attitudes in our youth today is what the porn industry drills into.

As mentioned above, the pornography industry works hard to attract Internet users to their on-line sites using different marketing tactics and tricks such as stealth sites. Other tactics used include:

• Innocent Word Searches: here the industry will use words or phrases that are commonly used in search engines such as Google, that have nothing to do with the sexual content of the actual site.

• Free Teaser Images/video: here the industry will offer free virtual tours of their sites where users can also see free live sex videos or images.

• Pop-ups and Ad Banners: many popular sites and social networks that our youth frequent often have advertising banners that the porn industry have purchased in the hopes that the user will click the pop-up or banner, which will then immediately re-direct the user to a XXX site.

• Porn-napping: similar to a stealth site, here the porn industry will purchase an expired domain of a popular Internet site so that when clicked, it re-directs the user to a pornographic site.

• Typo Squatting: here the industry will create pornography site names similar to favorite sites frequented by our youth, where the name is slightly misspelled. An example might be “Dizney” rather than “Disney”.

Unfortunately, pornography on the Internet has become more acceptable, accessible and freely available, which is resulting in the unhealthy sexual desensitization of our youth that can often foster sexual addiction, sexual mis-education and even sexual violence.

In a 2002 article called, “Pornography’s Effects on Adults and Children” by Dr Victor B Cline, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Utah, noted a negative progressive pattern specific to the ongoing viewing of pornography:

1. Addiction: once hooked the consumer will come back more and more

2. Escalation: to reach the same emotional and psychological high the consumer requires more and more visual stimulation.

3. Desensitization: material that was once seen to be shocking by the viewer is now acceptable.

4. Acting Out Sexually: here the consumer will now begin to act out sexually the behaviors that they have been viewing on-line

To a young developing mind, this addictive behavior is very powerful, and the pornography industry knows it, and taps into it for their financial gain. Not unlike a drug dealer who hooks new clients up with free samples of their product (drug), so too does the porn industry with their free videos and pictures. Once hooked, the Internet porn user, like the drug user, wants more and is willing to pay for it. This is one reason why some experts have called Internet pornography a “cyber drug”.

At its worst, Internet pornography is often violent, planting the seed in the child’s mind that sex and violence are somehow connected. Studies have indicated that early exposure to pornography may play a role in later deviant sexual behavior. Internet pornography has the effect of making people seem like objects, like a radio or TV. This is what psychologists call “objectification”. Those who commit sexual crimes rarely feel remorse for their actions because they don’t see themselves as hurting people; they are simply using objects.

In Dr Cline’s study mentioned above, he also found that 91% of teenage males and 82% of teenage females admitted having been exposed to x-rated, hard-core pornography. Over 66% of the males and 40% of the females reported wanting to try out some of the sexual behaviors they had witnessed. Among these high school students, 31% of the males and 18% of the females admitted actually doing some of the things they had seen in the pornography viewed within a few days after exposure.

A Canadian company, Safeexplorer.com, conducted a study of 24 boys and girls between the ages of 12 and 13 years of age and found the following:


• All 24 children reported stumbling onto pornographic sites

• 20 children reported receiving pornographic e-mails

• All 24 children reported being involved in sexually oriented communication in chat rooms

• 6 children reported that they were considering to meet a cyber friend without supervision

• Only one child reported that their household enforced any kind of Internet safety rules


• None of the children reported any kind of parental supervision while on-line.




So Are There Warning Signs That Might Indicate My Child May Be Viewing Pornography ?:


Some of the signs that parents should be aware of that indicate that your child “may” be viewing pornography include:

• Sexual language or behavior that is inappropriate for the age of your child.

• Unexplained or unusual credit card charges.

• Increased spam, pop-ups or inappropriate emails that have a pornographic element.

• Your child quickly changes the computer screen when you walk in the room.

• Noticeable change in behavior in their computer use or interaction with family.



So what Can We Do As Parents ?

It is important to understand that children are naturally curious about sex and sexuality and because of this fact; the Internet has now provided an unlimited access point to explore this curiosity. Although most parents are uncomfortable about discussing sex and sexuality with their children, it is so important that we do. To help parents overcome this discomfort, an author by the name of Meg Hickling has written and excellent book entitled, “Speaking of Sex”. Meg’s book is a blueprint to help parents educate children, in an age appropriate manner, how to talk about what she calls “body science”. This is a book that we highly recommend all parents to read. Open those lines of communication with your children and ask them:


• Have you ever seen anything on-line of a sexual nature that has made you feel uncomfortable?

• Have you ever accidentally come across sexual pictures on-line?

• Have you or your friends ever accessed pornography either intentionally or accidentally?

• Do they think that pornography is actual healthy sexuality?


Remember to open those lines of communication, and educate your child about healthy sexuality and respect for themselves and the opposite sex. Not to have these types of discussions, only allow the pornography industry to further entice our children into their world.

For more information on the dangers of on-line pornography and the negative effects it has on our children, please visit www.pornharms.com. This site is dedicated to providing the most accurate peer-reviewed research on the harm caused by pornography, along with relevant news and expert opinion on the topic.



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