KIV Community

Daughter being excluded by friend at school

Friendly discussion on all issues related to parenting. Stories, experiences, alternatives, tips and support. This is a place to share ideas with other parents on the tough job of raising kids.

Moderators: Keeper, Sue, Glowingtouch, kattnipp

 

Daughter being excluded by friend at school

Postby Nola on Thu May 10, 2012 6:38 pm

And I use the term friend loosely here :?

My daughter is in kindy. She has a few friends but one friend that she considers her best friend. One of the girls in the group has taken a kind of 'ownership' of my dd's 'best friend' and is possesive of her. Now when dd asks to play with them this one girl always says no :cry: and while the other girls do say yes my dd feels unwelcome and leaves.

Now I know her best friend also likes this other girl and that's ok. I don't expect her to only play with my dd or anything, but I don't like that dd is being excluded. Can't they all just play nicely together?

I had a conversation with the girls mother who said she would talk to her daughter about being inclusive, and maybe she has, but it happened again today and it just makes me so sad for dd :cry:

Going to chat with the teachers about in the hopes they can teach the kids to be kind to one another, and including people in games. DD is not a bad kid, she plays nicely with others. I think this other girl just was maybe a bit jealous of dd being around all the time and now wants the best friend just to herself. Thoughts :?:
User avatar
Nola
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 1975
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2005 10:58 pm
Location: in my happy place....
Region:

Re: Daughter being excluded by friend at school

Postby kapoohhh on Thu May 10, 2012 7:14 pm

I know people do not like to use this word at a young age but it is a form of bullying.
I hope you it gets figured out soon for your daughter. Glad she can speak up for herself at a young age. That is so important.
kapoohhh
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 1675
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2006 9:53 am
Location: Saanich
Region:

Re: Daughter being excluded by friend at school

Postby TazDevil on Thu May 10, 2012 7:49 pm

This used to happen all the time to my DD in Kindy. She was so shy and timid. Now she does so much better.

This might help your daughter.

We told her NEVER to ask to play. It gives someone the chance to say no. We would practice roll playing where she would walk up and say "let's play _____" and we would help her come up with fun games the other kids would want to join.

One day we made badges for a club and she took them to school and every kid wanted to be part of her club.

My niece was super popular and I would watch how she would get all the girls to follow her. It basically had to do with the fact she had a great way of coming up with fun stuff.
Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.

Steve Jobs
User avatar
TazDevil
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 4988
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2011 11:06 am

Re: Daughter being excluded by friend at school

Postby BabyFair on Fri May 11, 2012 10:03 am

Often the teachers have great ideas for dealing with this. I'd chat with the teacher as they can often facilitate changes.
Image
Producer of the Vancouver Island Baby Fair September 26 & 27, 2015 at Pearkes Rec Centre

User avatar
BabyFair
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 1918
Joined: Tue Jun 12, 2007 8:34 pm
Location: Saanich
Region:

Re: Daughter being excluded by friend at school

Postby Benjorsam on Fri May 11, 2012 10:44 am

If these girls were older, I'd say it could be bullying but because they are only in kindergarten I'd say its pretty normal. That's not saying its ok and it should be let go, but this happened to my dd and all the other girls I know who have been that age. They seem to often think that they can only play with one child at a time. My ds is 6 and does this and I'm constantly telling him he can't abandon his other friend when someone else comes out to play with him. I tell him he needs to play with both and yet somehow someone always seems to get left behind.

I think talking with the other girls mother was a good idea and I think talking to the teacher is a good idea as long as the one girl isn't singled out. I'd rather have the teacher talk to the class as a group about how to get along and why its bad to leave kids out and how that can hurt them.

Girls seem to go through these phases where one minute someone is their best friend and the next they aren't. Then the next week they are all best friends again. Like Taz Devil said, I would just tell your dd to include herself in the group rather than ask, and to also find other kids to hang out with so that she doesn't feel excluded.




Benjorsam
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 7107
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2006 10:03 am
Location: Sooke
Region:

Re: Daughter being excluded by friend at school

Postby Nola on Fri May 11, 2012 3:39 pm

Thanks for your empathy and suggestions.

I spoke with the teachers this AM who agreed it was not acceptable and that they would address it asap. Minutes later one teacher came out, said it was addressed, they told the girl behaviour was not accepable, and an apology was made. They said they will keep watch and that should this kind of behaviour resurface they will address it asap. For now I am satisfied with their response and hope she will not be excluded any further.

Also took your advice and told her next time she wants to play in a group to just walk up and say 'what are we playing?' I agree that this doesn't really give the girl the chance to say no.

If anything good came of this it was dd's teachers saying she is a very good friend to all the kids in the class and that she is very inclusive. I'm proud of her :D Hopefully this is the end :lol:

Thanks mamas :D
User avatar
Nola
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 1975
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2005 10:58 pm
Location: in my happy place....
Region:

Re: Daughter being excluded by friend at school

Postby chanterelle on Fri May 11, 2012 5:28 pm

Chatting with the teacher is what I was going to suggest. Addressing these issues ASAP in kindy is crucial, as it sets the ground for the rest of their school careers.

We had some issues along these lines earlier in the year, and thanks to some early intervention with the teacher and both sets of parents, the issue has now been resolved, and things are great.

Sounds like the situation has worked out for your little one. Hope she continues to thrive in her kindergarten year!


User avatar
chanterelle
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 2353
Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:16 pm
Location: within walking distance
Region:

Re: Daughter being excluded by friend at school

Postby Nola on Sat May 12, 2012 8:14 pm

So today one of the kids in dd's class had a birthday party. Tonight dd tells me that this girl 'kicked her in her butt' and then laughed about it. DD says she told her she didn't like it and apparently the girl apologized. DD just told me that she doesn't want to invite her to her birthday party because '-- is always mean to me'. These girls used to be friends, this girl used to come for play dates. I'm not sure what happened :?:

Was thinking of seeing if the other Mom wanted to meet up for a supervised playdate so that we can both watch and see what happens. Not sure if this is something I should be trying to fix, or if I should encourage her to let this friend go. Thoughts?
User avatar
Nola
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 1975
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2005 10:58 pm
Location: in my happy place....
Region:

Re: Daughter being excluded by friend at school

Postby TazDevil on Sun May 13, 2012 10:13 am

Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.

Steve Jobs
User avatar
TazDevil
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 4988
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2011 11:06 am

Re: Daughter being excluded by friend at school

Postby StitchedUp on Sun May 13, 2012 11:52 am

StitchedUp
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 1959
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 4:28 pm

Re: Daughter being excluded by friend at school

Postby JaynaF on Tue May 22, 2012 8:42 pm

i've had similar situation at school. its so sad, isn't it? dd and another girl were best friends since kindy. now they are in grade 3 and in seperate classes and she hasn't included dd in much, if anything at all. sometiems she will tell dd she doesn't want to play with her, when she asks to play. they barely talk and i have to force dd to say hi to her now. its so sad. :(
User avatar
JaynaF
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 5565
Joined: Tue Jun 14, 2005 12:02 pm


 

Return to Parenting

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron

Current Issues

May 2019

Read Now >>

Island Parent Tweens & Teens 2019

Read Now >>

Family Resource Guide 2018

Read Now >>

Upcoming Events


May
28
Kindergym Drop-In
Gordon Head Recreation Centre
May
29
Cooking for Fun-Curry in a Hurry
Gordon Head Middle School
May
30
Kindergym Drop-In
Gordon Head Recreation Centre
May 2019
SunMonTueWedThuFriSat
  1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31  
<< prev. month next month >>
Newsletter Signup

Join our Newsletter

Sign up now to start receiving the Island Parent Newsletter. It only takes a minute.

Sign up now...

Contest

Excellent Prizes!

Enter now for your chance to win some exciting prizes in our Island Parent Contest! We have new contests often, so check back regularly!