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The evil step parent

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The evil step parent

Postby justsomemom on Sun Jul 15, 2012 6:11 pm

:)
Last edited by justsomemom on Thu Jan 03, 2013 7:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The evil step parent

Postby TazDevil on Sun Jul 15, 2012 7:05 pm

Not a step parent but I parent a teen not my own.

Main advice would be to sit down with your spouse and ASK him advice on what he thinks is appropriate discipline for specific behaviors and list say your top 10 beefs. Then discuss it without kids there in a calm manner. I finding asking guiding questions leading the other parent to your conclusions is far more effective than telling which gets him on the defensive.

Parenting is a cooperative sport. Once it becomes competitive it is going to be disastrous. Decide on a discipline game plan together you both can live with.

Also I find kids have the most AMAZING ability to act differently in different locations depending on the discipline strategies of the caregivers. Therefore rules with Mom and rules with you can be different and kids can manage that.

There are great books and also courses that you can take that can give useful strategies.
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Re: The evil step parent

Postby StitchedUp on Mon Jul 16, 2012 4:22 am

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Re: The evil step parent

Postby VicStepmom on Sat Jul 21, 2012 7:15 am

Navigating the step-mother role is really challenging .. You and your BF need to be on the same page. Step- mother forums and blogs online might also be helpful (Stepchicks and Stepmothers Milk used to be really good).

Here's some things that have worked for us:
1. My DH handles all discipline and serious concerns with his children - if I have an issue I bring it to him privately and he addresses it with his children and their mothers as appropriate.
2. Be clear about your expectations of your role in the family and the roles of others in the family - you are deserving of respect and courtesy as a minimum.
3. Be clear about your role in his children's lives (the stepmother is a unique role and as such has unique challenges to finding what works in the particular family setting)
4. I maintain a polite distance from the children's mothers, I haven't befriended them but I've tried to be very respectful of them and supportive of the broader family...
5. To the degree possible be flexible
6. Vent safely (find a safe place to talk about your frustrations and problems with the relationship/role)

Good Luck.
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Re: The evil step parent

Postby TazDevil on Sat Jul 21, 2012 8:04 am

Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.

Steve Jobs
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Re: The evil step parent

Postby vixx on Sat Jul 21, 2012 11:41 am

I have been a step parent for 14 years and also have another teen in my house who "isn't mine".

I don't care if you live in my house or are visiting for 5 minutes, it is my house and you follow my rules. If you have been step parent for 2 years, it has nothing to do with being "step" anything that they are challenging you. It is because DH isn't on the same page.

I definitely disagree with only disciplining your bio kids. You are essentially telling them they dont have to listen to you.

I am absolutely the hard ass in our house and EVERYONE knows it. Every kid i in the neighbourhood knows it is my house, my rules. Step son has a friend a few years ago who was into the big leather wrist bands with nails through it, etc and without me saying a word, he told his buddy that didn't fly in our house. His buddy used to take them off and stash them in our rock wall before coming in!
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Re: The evil step parent

Postby StitchedUp on Sat Jul 21, 2012 3:52 pm

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Re: The evil step parent

Postby VicStepmom on Sat Jul 21, 2012 5:14 pm

The step kids know I am to be respected - and also know that if I am not, DH will deal with them on a disciplinary level. They know that their dad's rules are mine too....but the actual discipline is left to him. I neither need to be or want to be "the bad guy". It works for us.
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