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Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

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Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby Nola on Sun Oct 28, 2012 2:51 pm

Our dd (6) has some behavioural issues. We don't know if it is a chemical thing or a personality thing. It could be a parenting thing too :oops:

We need help. What is our first step? Do we start with our gp, do we go to Queen Alexandra, do we go to a psychcologist? No idea where to start. I think we're beyond books, we need a strategy right now as it has been a very tough afternoon of her screaming at us. Consequences have no effect. Not looking for parenting advice so much as which health professional can we go to to maybe get her assessed?

Much appreciated :)
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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby tiptoetulip on Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:09 pm

I think your GP would be the best first stop.

Or your daughter's school/teacher - perhaps a psycho ed assessment?
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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby Nola on Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:13 pm

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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby dragonfly on Sun Oct 28, 2012 7:16 pm

First step is to go to your family doctor. They will most likely give you some papers to fill in regarding her behaviour and the severity of it. They may also give you one for her teacher. Ask to be given a referal to a pediatrician. The schools can do a phyc. ed test but often try to delay it until grade 4 as they are only allowed to test every 5 years. That being said, you may want to get in touch with the school councellor, for some more immediate help.

Hope this helps - big hugs!




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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby Benjorsam on Sun Oct 28, 2012 10:34 pm

And the waitlist for a psycho ed evaluation and pretty much all other testing is LONG. The psyco-ed eval can take literally years to get. My dd was on the list for 4 years before she finally got one. They will try to get you to pay for it yourself but the cost is a couple grand (or it was back in 2008 when my dd go hers-it may be more now) and most people can't afford that.

Unfortunatly its a long, long struggle to get testing and and even longer one if a diagnosis is found and your child needs resources. But unless you are willing to go private and pay for everything yourself, your first step will be to go through your family doctor and s/he will make the referrals. You can't do any of that yourself.




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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby Samandemma on Sun Oct 28, 2012 10:47 pm

Unless it has changed very recently, parents can self-refer to Queen Alexandra Centre.
The previous posters suggestions are great.

As well, although not diagnostic, it may be helpful to have some support in parenting your DD. Dr. Allison Rees has a course called "Sidestepping the Power Struggles." Her phone number is: 250- 595-2649 or you can email at: allisonrees@shaw.ca Her website for "Life Seminars" is: lifeseminars.com
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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby chickadee4 on Thu Nov 01, 2012 1:02 pm

In the mean time I would try eliminating all food colouring from her diet.
My dd's personality changes dramatically with any food colouring.
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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby becauseisayso on Sat Nov 03, 2012 11:18 pm

We're facing some challenges with our daughter as well, she's 7. We were told to make a doctor's appointment first to rule out any medical issues that might cause behavioural problems. We also talked with him about the problems she is having and once we are done with him he will give us a referral for services.
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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby TazDevil on Sun Nov 04, 2012 9:04 am

Queen Alexander is for pre-school age. They don't deal with age 6.

OP can I ask if your child's has challenges that are obvious to the school too? Kids with medical challenges display non-mainstream behaviours at school as well because it is beyond their ability to control it. Children who display behaviours only for their parents but have no issues at school have control over their behaviour (this is a good thing). Then it becomes a parent child relationship that needs to have changes made.

I haven't dealt with Allison Rees but I hear amazing things about her.

I have a 9 year old who has ADHD and screaming and crying at home ALL the time were normal for her at 6. She had to work so hard at school to try and keep it together. By the time she got home any little thing would set her off. However the school did notice her distraction and other ADHD behaviours (she is quiet in attentive not hyperactive).

My main strategy was cuddling and not taking any outbursts personally. Also using a lot of positive comments like "I can see you are really angry/upset/frustrated, how can I help you feel better"

What she really needed was tons of extra loving. It didn't matter what she did at home, I knew that it was really a cry for love underneath that behaviour.

The cuddling-identification with feelings works wonders for my DS too he is 6 and although we don't think he has ADHD, life in general gets frustrating and he screams and cries. A cuddle can snap him out of it in minutes.

I am not sure if you have read any books but my favourite is the Secret to parenting a friend gave me but the library has it. It talks about kids baby selves and how at home kids baby selves come out to get parental attention and it isn't rational. It is a small book but well worth the read.

http://catalogue.gvpl.ca/record=b1251098~S1

We have also eliminated ALL food colouring, sulphites, artificial sweeteners, and and any preservatives. Made a huge difference.
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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby Benjorsam on Sun Nov 04, 2012 10:59 am





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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby Nola on Sun Nov 04, 2012 11:46 am

Thanks for all of your replies :)

We have a Dr's appt this week so we'll see how that goes. I also spoke with her teacher who does not see the same things we do. She is attentive, keen, and respectful in class. So I guess she saves up for us :lol: This leads me to believe it is likely our own fault :oops: but still think we should rule in or out, other contributing factors.

Hoping too to sign up for Side stepping the power struggle as one previous poster suggested. We took this years ago with our first but have long forgotten what we learned. Time to go back to get schooled :wink:

Thanks!
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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby Samandemma on Sun Nov 04, 2012 12:52 pm

Taz Devil : Queen Alexandra Centre for Children and The Children's Health Foundation of Vancouver Island .... do offer services for children beyond the preschool years. It's important for people to have correct information as the services provided are very helpful to many children and families.
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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby jenny c on Sun Nov 04, 2012 8:10 pm

Just because her teacher is not recognizing the same challenges with your daughter that you are does not in any way mean the challenges are parenting.
Often children that are able hold it together at school, do fall apart and explode at home, but there could be an underlying issues she is dealing with that is causing this. Explosive anger, acting out if to the extreme should be looked into.
If you as her mother are feeling overwhelmed by her behavior you are the best judge, follow your gut. Working on parenting issues never hurts, but won't solve everything. You can also contact child and youth mental health in your area and speak to an intake worker, they can help with counselling, referral, and support for you, and they deal with behavior issues, mood disorders, anxiety, adhd, add,
Take care
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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby Nola on Sat Nov 10, 2012 8:00 am

So we went to the GP who thinks there's nothing wrong with dd. Her thoughts are that dd is seeking attention, even negative attention by behaving badly. Her suggestion for the next 3 weeks is to ignore all the bad behaviour, and make a big deal about the good behaviour.

So far not so good. She is acting very meanly towards her big brother. I get that she wants him to play with her, and she retaliates when he doesn't want to, but she doesn't get that her brother doesn't want to play with her when she is being mean. She says he's dumb, he's a poo poo head, that she hates us. She pinches and kicks things. It may sound like not a big deal ( I don't think the Dr. took us very seriously), but day in a day out she is very difficult to live with :cry: She's screaming her face off right now. Think I'll record some of her outbursts for the Dr. to see.

We're signed up for Side Stepping the Power Struggle. I don't know what else to do.
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Re: Challenges with our dd...need suggestions

Postby kattnipp on Sat Nov 10, 2012 10:56 am

Have you looked at her diet? I know it sounds silly, many tell me all the time I am nuts when I say that, but seriously our child is a wild child when she has dye and certain chemicals that go into food. If not reading labels you would shocked what has dye in it. I know how hard it can be when no one is listening but trust yourself and keep fighting to get help. We had been trying to get help for our child and kept getting told nothing is wrong nothing is wrong when we knew there was something wrong. Her allergist actually helped up and got us to see someone that specializes in ADHD and what a difference that has made. We had no where to go with food as we keep it as clean as we can(she is allowed plain chips and some chocolate as treats). We talked to Stronger Families and they helped to make sure we were on track with being consistent with how we parented. No means no and it means no for that thing every single time type of thing. After a few visits with her new doctor and reports from school this year started off amazing for us and has continued to be positive. So there is someone out there that will listen you just have to keep going. Keep a journal if you can of her outbursts and if something maybe set her off if you see something did. I know with our daughter if she has dye she crashes hard when it comes out of her system.
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