KIV Community

The bedtime struggles...

Friendly discussion on all issues related to parenting. Stories, experiences, alternatives, tips and support. This is a place to share ideas with other parents on the tough job of raising kids.

Moderators: Keeper, Sue, Glowingtouch, kattnipp

 

The bedtime struggles...

Postby Bathtimebliss on Mon Dec 03, 2012 7:57 pm

I have a 4.5 year old who is giving me so much trouble at bedtime. Every night, pretty much without fail, he fights me on getting in his pjs and doing teeth. First there is the whining and refusal, then there is excuse after excuse as to why he can't/won't do it. I have kept the same schedule for many months now, but probably 5 nights/week ends in frustration and raised voices (mine). When he seems to be cooperating, he turns it into a game and it takes forever. I am doing bedtime by myself 5 nights/week so, after a couple nights of this, I totally lose it (like tonight). I just am so fed up and don't know how to change things for the better.

here is our schedule.
Dinner at 5:30, I clean up and the two kids (also 19m sister) play for a little downstairs. We all go up around 6:15-6:30 to have a little more playtime or bath upstairs, then get ready for bed. Stories and DD in bed by 7:30, then snuggle with DS and me gone by 7:45-8.

Many nights because we eat an earlier dinner, he asks for a bedtime snack, which I will oblige if he ate his dinner.

For disciplinary actions I have tried not giving snack when asked (sometimes used a stalling technique I believe on his part), and also not doing stories. I am always consistent and stick to my word, but it just still doesn't seem to be getting through to him. Tonight he didn't get any of the above because I was just so angry and frustrated and lost my temper with him. I just put him in bed and walked away.

Anyone have any suggestions? Is this just a phase that will pass? I have been thinking about cutting out any playtime upstairs, bc that seems to be the root of it-he doesn't want to stop and get ready. We have had many conversations about this- how I am happy to let him play for a specified amount of time, but then it is time to get ready. He gets plenty of warning for when playtime will end, but it most nights that is when everything disintegrates.
Bathtimebliss
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 277
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:22 am

Re: The bedtime struggles...

Postby OnceHarmony on Mon Dec 03, 2012 9:54 pm

For our DD we do pjs and teeth first (but after snack and after bath if she has one, of course) before anything else.
I would rather own a little and see the world than own the world and see a little
—Alexander Sattler
User avatar
OnceHarmony
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 4862
Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2008 5:54 am
Location: Florida or SNL
Region:

Re: The bedtime struggles...

Postby Blacken on Mon Dec 03, 2012 11:08 pm

:-k The only thing that I'd recommend is skipping the second playtime when you head upstairs. What is he doing when you are putting dd down? Is he comfortable ifyou just have a dim light in his room, quiet music or some reading time by himself while you put down dd?

Your consistency is key in this - good for you for keeping the steadiness of the routine! Our kids are 6 and almost 4, so I can somewhat relate...
"Those who hear not the music, think the dancers mad." ~unknown
Blacken
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 2195
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2007 3:55 pm
Location: Jubilee area
Region:

Re: The bedtime struggles...

Postby Colesmum on Tue Dec 04, 2012 8:15 am

Like the pp, I would suggest removing the 2nd playtime....or even using that as leverage....."if you have your bath/get your jammies on quickly, you can have 10 more minutes to play/an extra story, etc." (or something along those lines). I do this in the morning, they get to watch a show or two before school, AFTER they are completely ready. If they take too long, no show, if they are speedy, voila! A show, maybe two :)
User avatar
Colesmum
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 2204
Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2006 7:49 am

Re: The bedtime struggles...

Postby Nickal on Tue Dec 04, 2012 8:46 am

Would it be possible for you to do a bath time earlier? "before supper" Bathes and showers are stimulants.

Start dimming lights earlier.

Also not sure if you are set up like this but make sure his bedroom is for sleeping only. Not as a punishment/time out area and have no toys/tv radio's etc.. A few teddies but that is it.

Have some white noise. Night light's are not that recommended either.

Having a routine is the best thing but now you have to figure out when it is his best time.

My mom said my kid brother had to bed in bed by 7pm because at 7:05pm he just would not go to sleep.

My youngest DD 6 has always been a good sleeper but for some reason she started making a fuss about sleeping with her clothes and not her pj's after 2 nights I was like ok whatever. Guess what no fights, she goes to bed with her clothes wakes up changes and sleep is better :) A small battle of clothes to get to bed calm she wins. I do not care about the pj's enough to fight.

Also there is suppose to be another sleep seminar at Esq. Rec. Center in Jan. for children ages 3-5 I say go to it. It only cost 5$. The lady that does the seminar is the owner of Tumblebums, or make an appointment and speak with her.
http://www.nikkialvarez.myarbonne.ca

https://www.facebook.com/Arbonne.Nikki

nikkiarbonne1@gmail.com

Pure. Safe. Beneficial.
Vegan certified & Gluten Free

order on-line directly MY ID #116310356
User avatar
Nickal
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 701
Joined: Sat May 30, 2009 4:57 pm
Location: Esquimalt (Dockyard)
Region:

Re: The bedtime struggles...

Postby Samandemma on Tue Dec 04, 2012 1:48 pm

As you have also wondered about, and others have suggested, it may be helpful to eliminate the 2nd playtime upstairs and instead have the time upstairs before bed devoted to quiet time and calming activities (soft music, dim lights, books, snuggles, reading, singing a few songs while cuddling etc).
Re snack and hunger/stalling before going to bed: Could you try offering a last snack time at 7 pm or shortly before 7, before you go upstairs to start your bedtime routines? This way your DS will have an opportunity for snack and it will not lead to a full tummy just before trying to go to sleep. If you discussed this with him (" a full tummy can make it harder for your body to rest") it may make sense to him also.
Do you do a bath every night? If so, then maybe decrease it to every few nights to aleviate one more activity before bedtime (or as a pp mentioned, you could do a bath in the late afternoon before dinner).
Consistency as you are already aware of is very helpful. Hope things get easier and more enjoyable for you both at bedtime!
Samandemma
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 3917
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 8:07 pm
Location: Colwood
Region:

Re: The bedtime struggles...

Postby Bathtimebliss on Fri Dec 07, 2012 8:20 pm

Thanks everyone for the input. I have taken the suggestions for eliminating the upstairs playtime and it has been going much better since then. It is a much more seamless bedtime where he knows upstairs mean nothing but getting ready. I will try to remember offering a snack while we are still downstairs. We don't do bath time every night, but I will try switching to before dinner, as this also poses a problem getting him out!

Hopefully we can keep up the nice nights!
Bathtimebliss
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 277
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:22 am

Re: The bedtime struggles...

Postby Sunnygirl on Sun Dec 09, 2012 9:14 am

Oh the bedtime snack as a delay routine will only get worse as they get older ;-) What we found really worked was only ever offering cheerios as a bedtime snack (though we'd offer a snack earlier if we thought they'd really need a snack). They were tired of cheerios before long and only asked for them when they were truly hungry.
Sunnygirl
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 10533
Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2005 2:02 pm
Location: Highlands
Region:

Re: The bedtime struggles...

Postby Yvonne A on Sun Dec 09, 2012 3:04 pm

User avatar
Yvonne A
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 2091
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2005 9:46 pm
Location: Esquimalt-across from Gorge Vale Golf Course
Region:

Re: The bedtime struggles...

Postby rosamond on Tue Dec 11, 2012 12:49 pm

rosamond
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 1149
Joined: Tue Aug 24, 2010 3:00 pm

Re: The bedtime struggles...

Postby TazDevil on Sat Dec 15, 2012 5:18 pm

The secret is never, ever, discuss, argue, cajole, negotiate, etc. Bedtime is bedtime. Just keep repeating the same phrase without emotion. Don't let them suck you into attention and a reaction. That is what they want, any negative reaction will do.

My kids eat at 6:30pm then it is brush teeth stories and bed. No baths because that is stimulating play. We bath before dinner or weekends.

Crying, whining leads to reduction or elimination of stories due to time being wasted. They don't get stories until they are in Jammie's.

We used a kitchen timer before. It isn't needed now.

My kids are in bed by 7:30pm everynight. The training is worth it. They will put themselves to bed now.
Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.

Steve Jobs
User avatar
TazDevil
KI(vic) Member
KI(vic) Member
 
Posts: 4988
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2011 11:06 am


 

Return to Parenting

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

Current Issues

March 2019

Read Now >>

Island Parent Tweens & Teens 2019

Read Now >>

Family Resource Guide 2018

Read Now >>

Upcoming Events


Mar
21
Kindergym Drop-In
Gordon Head Recreation Centre
Mar
21
Love & Marriage in the Age of the Roscoes
Ross Bay Villa Historic House Museum
Mar
22
Coast Capital Free Skate
Nanaimo Ice Centre
Mar
22
Bear Necessities
East Sooke Regional Park
March 2019
SunMonTueWedThuFriSat
  1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31  
<< prev. month next month >>
Newsletter Signup

Join our Newsletter

Sign up now to start receiving the Island Parent Newsletter. It only takes a minute.

Sign up now...

Contest

Excellent Prizes!

Enter now for your chance to win some exciting prizes in our Island Parent Contest! We have new contests often, so check back regularly!