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Child found pipe at father's house

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Child found pipe at father's house

Postby SD61 on Wed Feb 19, 2014 2:04 pm

What to do ...
My ex and I have been split for 7 years. My child went to visit her dad's and she saw a pipe in the ash try out on the back deck. I know him to smoke pot, so I will go with the assumption that it was a pot pipe.
I am completely against it, I am not 'over the top' but I have always stood by the believe that it is illegal, i don't use it, don't want my kid to ever use it, therefore my child knows that I do not condone it. I am definitely not trying to get into a debate about this at all, just letting you know my perspective.
She came home and told me she saw it. I knew what it was. I told her to ask him, because I didn't know what it was.
She came home from this week's visit and said she saw that it was gone this week, she asked her dad what it was and he denied it and didn't know what she had seen.
Her words to me were "Mom, what was it! It looks like something that was on the alaska state troopers commercial"
So. Here I am. I don't want to lie to her, because she knows something is up. I don't want her to ask him again because he is in the mindset that it is natural and fine. I don't want my child to think its fine. It's not. I also don't want to make my child think that her dad is breaking the law and a bad person.
I don't know how to address this with her. Any suggestions would be helpful.
thanks
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Re: Child found pipe at father's house

Postby kapoohhh on Wed Feb 19, 2014 2:31 pm

Children are smart... be honest if you know for sure what it was.
There are educational videos explaining drugs to young kids.
You can say it is just another form of smoking and you know smoking is not good for your body.. I hope you never will do it.
Educating young in my household and recognizing smells.. I do not pussy foot around any of it, due to family members.

I am on both sides... if for medical purposes and recreational and not hotboxing your kids or animals around... then go for it.
But when smoking or smoking pot infringes on someone else without consent... I am all over that... ugh.
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Re: Child found pipe at father's house

Postby StitchedUp on Wed Feb 19, 2014 3:45 pm

Answering her questions honestly is your best bet. You don't need to make a big deal about the fact that this illegal and demonize her father's behaviour, but you can just say that as far as you can tell, it was a pipe that people use for smoking pot.

As for her dad, I wonder how he reconciles his "this is natural and fine" attitude with the fact that he felt he had to lie to his child when she asked him a question.
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Re: Child found pipe at father's house

Postby SD61 on Thu Feb 20, 2014 11:09 am

I want to be honest with her. But if I say that is what I think it is, it will not end there. I have no intent to demonize her father, if I did I would have thrown him under the bus! lol
I want to tell her the truth, but I feel like the truth is going to hurt her. I just want to minimize the blow, that's all.
The added layer is that I have full custody, he sees her 4 hours a week. She knows in her heart that he iw not happy in life. He has depression and other life issues. She is like a little caregiver for him. She feels protective of him and doesn't have anything bad to say about him.
I have never said anything negative about him. I smile and nod when she talks about her dad. When she goes to visit him, I tell her to have fun. We are amicable and never speak negatively of the other.
This is I think why it's so hard to tell her what it is. I think that she already knows, it will hurt her. I am mad at him for leaving it out. I have asked her to ask him, hoping that he could tell her, and not me. But he shrugged it off.
Anyways, thanks for your suggestions!
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Re: Child found pipe at father's house

Postby ItsKim on Thu Feb 20, 2014 1:57 pm

If you think she already knows, what about just asking her what SHE thinks it is and take it from there.

It very well may hurt her. I know as a kid I was devastated when I found out my mom smoked pot. We grew up embarrassed to have friends over, or worried that if our friends parents found out our friends wouldn't be allowed to come over, and we worried she was going to get in trouble for it, or that we would get taken away and not be able to see her etc. It was really hard to deal with and caused my sister and I ridiculous amounts of anxiety. My dad and her were separated, and he never spoke badly about my mom or about her smoking weed. He knew she smoked and that made him someone we could talk to about it without being embarrassed (especially since we didn't want to tell our friends).

Maybe she needs some reassurances that he's not going to get dragged off to jail suddenly. It really was a crappy thing for us to deal with and I still resent my mom for it to some degree. On the plus side I suppose, my sister and I never touched the stuff lol.
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Re: Child found pipe at father's house

Postby Mommyinthesun on Thu Oct 23, 2014 7:48 am

Be honest about it if it's pot, tell her it's not for kids and explain it as maybe medicinal for depression for adults. But tell her your beliefs on it and she will follow it trust me. My daughter thinks smoking is gross so I explained it to her that it's like smoking but stronger and that I believe it's bad for you and messes with judgement.
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