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is this fair ?

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is this fair ?

Postby oneluckygirl on Fri Jan 06, 2012 8:34 pm

Am I being fair in the fact when ds1 who is 6 hurts or does something harmful to his brother that now he can't be around him unless someone is watching ?? I feel like this is a bit too harsh but I can't trust him now because it happened more than once..

Am I being fair that when ds refuses to get his clothes on for school that I took him to his room and dressed him ?? Was this not the right way to handle it.. Keep in mind that he refuses to get dressed for over 35 minutes EVERY morning...

Am I being fair that when a child is throwing their toys that that toy is taken away ?

I am just wondering as ds told his father all of hte above things that have happened and the email I got from him was that he thinks Im being too harsh etc etc... I am not sure what else to do... ds dad doesnt deal with this at all so he has no idea what its like..

ugh im going nuts..
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Re: is this fair ?

Postby ashmel on Fri Jan 06, 2012 8:44 pm

Good God! That is more than fair, IMO! We do all of the above to our almost three year old!
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Re: is this fair ?

Postby debbiel on Fri Jan 06, 2012 9:09 pm

Your ex is just being an ass. Of course you are doing things that are more than reasonable - sheesh.
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Re: is this fair ?

Postby kattnipp on Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:59 am

Not saying you aren't being fair but wanted to say try taking him to school in his pj's and take his clothes along. That might help. Nothing wrong with dressing him but the end result is still he didn't have to dress himself right so if you made him leave the house in his pj's he might have more incentive to get dressed.
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Re: is this fair ?

Postby kapoohhh on Sat Jan 07, 2012 10:46 am

In the morning is he allowed to watch tv and eat first before getting dressed ?
Are rule in the house is get dressed including socks, make bed, eat breakfast. Then you have free time. I had to make it this way or nobody would get dressed and it took forever. I had to have shoes on for awhile as well.... or that took forever.
Or if you are a free range parent put him in clean clothes before bed and he sleeps in them... they eventually will get it we all go through it.
I hope it gets better.

Toys for sure should be taken away if they are being thrown and such.

Sometimes not telling an ex every little thing can make life alot easier. Just the major things. I have been there and that is why they are ex's.
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Re: is this fair ?

Postby oneluckygirl on Sun Jan 08, 2012 3:38 pm

I didnt tell the ex, ds did. but he has to get dressed and breakfast first etc then if theres extra time he can watch tv... in the beginning we tried the other way and it was a disaster...
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Re: is this fair ?

Postby Island-JJ on Sun Jan 08, 2012 5:50 pm

TV in the morning before school?

No more morning TV at all and then tell him that if he doesn't get dressed right away after breakfast in the morning, for a week, he won't get it back.
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Re: is this fair ?

Postby oneluckygirl on Sun Jan 08, 2012 6:21 pm

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Re: is this fair ?

Postby kattnipp on Sun Jan 08, 2012 6:27 pm

Our daughter has no care at all for loss of tv or computer/electronic privileges. It does make it harder indeed.
What time does he go to bed? Any chance you can do earlier bedtime so he is up earlier to get him more wake up time and much more able to do what he needs to?
Our girl needs her hour in the morning. We leave at 7:25 every morning and she is up by 6:30 so she can walk up and then start getting ready. We have clothes and everything picked out the night before. We also are lucky to have a half bath on the main floor so no going upstairs for anything(if she got to go up stairs we would never get to the bus on time). Book bag is packed the night before only thing needing to be added is lunch bag.
I find if we don't have these things done the night before then morning are nothing but a disaster. Also I find I have to take the fine if that is how you plan to go to school then get your coat and shoes on a much better way to deal with it then ending up get upset with her.
I hope you do find some help and answers to get you out the door in a more peaceful manner.
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Re: is this fair ?

Postby oneluckygirl on Sun Jan 08, 2012 7:13 pm

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Re: is this fair ?

Postby On purpose? on Sun Jan 08, 2012 9:24 pm

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Re: is this fair ?

Postby kattnipp on Mon Jan 09, 2012 3:22 am

For punishment the best things I have found that work are no friends over for play(this is new and she really hates not being allowed a friend in), we tried taking books but that was the end of the world and when she is in school she has to be able to read so that was counter productive. I really find the best way to deal with things is to intervene before it escalates. I will stop her and ask is that really how you want to ask/say/speak/act to me or whoever she is talking that way to. I will remind her if she plans to be so rude and disrespectful she will find herself in her room thinking about how is she is behaving. This has cut out a lot of the conflict in our home. It addresses the problem but defuses before we are into an all out battle of the wills and goodness only knows she got her wills from her Momma and I am very stubborn. hehe
I have also found being consistent has helped a lot, I am bad for eventually being tired of the battle and just giving in(I have gotten worse as she has gotten older) so I have had to keep reminding myself she is going to fight me on it if she knows I will eventually give in.
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