I was 25 and I had just found out I was pregnant. We were on a ferry, going to tell my parents when I opened the email that said I was accepted into the master’s program that I had applied for. My head was spinning! What should I do?
My parents were excited and worried for me, as having a baby and going to school are both expensive and life-changing events. My dad’s advice was not to try to do both at the same time. I was torn. I had never had such a big decision to make. I kept thinking, “but I want them both!”
My husband was the one who encouraged me to go for it. He strategized how we would pay for it, and he could see the other side. It would be better for me in the long run to do this schooling now. We wanted multiple children. The opportunity felt precious.
So, I did it. I had two children while doing my Master of Science and this is what I learned:
1. People change the way they treat you while you are pregnant. Not only was I a woman pursuing STEM, but I was also pregnant. Really pregnant. I would say I was treated very differently by my professors and my fellow students. I can’t say if it changed the outcome of my schooling but it definitely included a certain stigma.
2. My brain was not all there. The first thing my doctor said to me when I found out I was pregnant was that I was going to lose 25 percent of my brain power. He was not wrong. I felt somewhat in a daze during the courses, and I leaned on my cohort when we had group assignments. Every thought was slower to materialize. It can create a sense of isolation, since there are very few other pregnant women at university.
3. I needed my family. My mom was the one who watched my infant daughter while I had class. My husband worked as the sole earner for those three years. My father helped me with complicated assignments. It was a team effort. I heard similar stories from other parents in my university. When I graduated, I was surrounded by those who had held me up and we all celebrated together.
4. I needed to modify my expectations. I knew what I was not willing to compromise on. I knew my goals were the same as before I became pregnant, but I did have to lower my expectations. I could not do a complex field experiment with multiple data sets in remote geographical locations. I listened to my thesis supervisor, and we found a good solution that made me feel like I was still in control of my project.
5. Don’t be shy to ask your school to modify the program or schedule for you. It is vitally important for women to pursue higher education. Check with the school’s policies on taking leave. Don’t be afraid to ask your school to adjust for you. Think of how your daughters will benefit if you champion change.
6. I was gentle with myself. I knew that I had chosen this path, and that I wasn’t going to be going into a fancy new job like some of my colleagues. It didn’t matter though, to me, starting a family was equally important.
7. Be prepared to play catchup. While I was parenting, my career was on hold. It was okay, and I did catch up from those years I took off to parent. It took a little longer than I wanted, and I was nervous that I had waited too long, but everything turned out just fine. I have a career now, and I love my job that my degree qualified me for.
It takes a lot of bravery to start a family, and the compounding pressures on young families make these decisions feel insurmountable at times. Women deserve access to higher education, and we can demand society makes space for us. The world needs your creativity and problem-solving innovation. Plus, you are modelling positive change for society, when you put your education forward as a priority in your life. Never give up on your goals!
