Recently, when I asked the students in a Grade 8 class how things were going for them in their last year of middle school, one of the students sighed loudly and said, “Okay. You know, it’s okay.”
When I asked them to expand on what they meant by “Okay,” the student replied, “I dunno know, there’s just some BIG feelings going on right now and growing up feels like a lot!”
Most of the other students nodded or smiled knowingly in agreement. As a sexual health educator, I couldn’t have said it more articulately—growing up is a lot! In Taylor Swift terminology, adolescence is the BIG feelings era and as parents, educators, allies and champions of youth it is our job to support them as they find their way through this era of “a lot.”
In 2024, collectively, we are doing a better job to prepare our young people to understand the physical changes adolescence brings. It’s not uncommon now for students in our maturation classes to comfortably and, sometimes even, enthusiastically explain the role of hormones, spontaneous erections and period products during puberty to the rest of their classmates. And yet, when it comes to the emotional changes ahead, students are often less sure of the changes to feelings especially for those kiddos who haven’t had the opportunity to witness older siblings plow through ahead of them. This means, of course, it’s essential that we, as their trusted adults, help show them the way through using observation, empathy and time away.
Observe the changes your youth are going through from the emotional and social perspectives. Are they spending more time doing things than they used to; are they hanging out with different friends; or are they dressing more creatively? Use these observations to offer comments like “I’ve noticed that you’re really into shooting hoops these days, how’s it feeling?” or “I notice that you’re talking about some new friends—what has it been like to make new friends?” This helps youth to form connections between their actions and feelings, which they may not be aware of.
As you prepare dinner, drive to dance or walk the dog together and they’re venting about a math test, explaining the latest friend drama or intermittently grunting in response to your questions, listen closely to not only what they’re saying (or not saying!) about their feelings but how they’re saying it. Acknowledge youth’s feelings by responding with empathy. This tells them that you’re focused on their feelings, and they know that you’re not judging their feelings, just supporting them. This approach will remind youth that while you might not “get it,” you’re 100 percent willing to try.
When their words and/or actions show you that they’re going full speed ahead through these feelings, create strategies together to take time away from all of the changes. Chat with them about what makes them feel better—when do they feel the most relaxed and like themselves? Is it playing with the dog? A T. Swift dance party, painting, mountain biking, zoning out with their favourite playlist or binge-watching Friends? Help them find the time to step away from life’s big moments and feelings. This will put these feelings into perspective without minimizing or ignoring them. It gives them time to re-connect to themselves.
There’s no doubt that growing up in this fast-paced world feels like a lot for our youth and even for us adults on the sidelines. It is our job to show them that even though things feel like a lot, there are ways through the BIG feelings era with curiosity, empathy and connection.
